Sweet Dreams, Take 2
by DuffKilliganFan
Summary: Sometimes, people want to make their dreams a reality...
1. Naughty, naughty

As always, thanks to my beta reader, daywalkr82, for his invaluable (and totally free!) services.

Disclaimer: Why am I so poor I can't own it!? Why!?

* * *

Kim crawled along the ventilation shaft as quickly as stealth would allow. She couldn't afford any mistakes on this particular mission. This wasn't just some incompetent like Drakken, or a madman like the former Lord Fiske. Her target was intelligent, manipulative, and seemed to have a sense of foresight that bordered on precognition.

The stakes couldn't be higher.

She made her way down the long shaft, Wade scanning and deactivating all security problems that came up. The going was slow. As anticipated, the target had taken every precaution in order to ensure all chances of victory.

It was all as she expected, so why was she so nervous?

Drawing the Kimmunicator from her pocket, she activated it and asked, "Wade, can you tell me what's in this room?"

Typing on his computer, he answered, "There are at least two guards, along with automated defenses. I can disable the automated defenses easily enough, and run a feedback loop through the central computer, so anyone watching will just see the two guards."

"So, do you think you can handle two guards?" Wade asked Kim, a smug expression on his face.

Grinning a confident smirk back at him, Kim responded, "In my sleep."

"Okay, give me a couple minutes to initiate the feedback loop and… done!"

Wade hadn't even finished his statement when a redheaded blur entered the room. The first guard was taken completely unawares and rapidly dispatched. She turned to the second guard, and took a blow to the face. The man was a tall, skinny fellow. From his stance, she gathered he was using ju-jitsu. _Stupid, stupid, stupid, I should have known he would get competent help,_ she thought.

Dodging a kick aimed at her head, she launched a counterattack, which he easily dodged. He tried to sweep kick, but she jumped. A mad succession of punches came at her. Kim, unable to dodge them all, was knocked into the wall. Standing up, the man started to gloat.

"So, is this the best the world famous Kim Possible can offer me? I heard you were one of the best martial artists this side of the globe."

Without warning, Kim launched herself at the man. She moved at least twice as fast as she ever had before, making it virtually impossible for the cocky soldier to avoid being struck. And struck he was, three times in rapid succession. Falling to the floor, his left hand held his broken nose, and his other hand wrapped around his now heavily bruised ribs. Kim leaned down next to the tearful man.

"Actually, not to gloat, but I am one of the best martial artists this side of the globe. I can't believe you've never encountered the Crafty Monkey in your life."

With that, she gave a quick shot to the side of his head, knocking him out cold.

Opening the door slowly, Kim looked into the darkened hallway. The lights were virtually nonexistent. Fingering the Kimmunicator, Kim said, "Wade, I can't see a thing. Why does he have the lights so low?"

Initiating a quick scan, Wade said, "Probably just to make it harder for you to see."

"So, how do they see?"

"Using the infra-red goggles on their belts."

Groaning in impatience, Kim walked over to the fallen soldier and removed the goggles from his belt. She put them on and was about to step out the door when Wade yelled, "Kim, stop!"

As still as a deer caught in headlights, Kim asked, "What is it?"

"The floor is covered in pressure pads. You can only step on certain tiles."

"Some of the tiles seem to be glowing when I'm wearing the goggles."

After some typing on one of his computers, Wade said, "Don't linger. Even the glowing ones are rigged to go off after a certain amount of time. I give you thirty seconds for each."

"Do you get the feeling our boy's paranoid?"

"Just a little," Wade said.

* * *

The going was painfully slow. Stepping only on the proper tiles was time-consuming, and the constant infrared beams and other security systems Wade had to disable slowed Kim down further. She was beginning to get very frustrated with the pace when Wade said, "Kim, I got something."

"This had better good. According to my watch, it's already been about an hour. Drakken's usually foiled in about twenty minutes, and that's including saving Ron and the fight with Shego."

"Trust me, it's good. I detected a large energy surge from the core of the base. It's expanding outwards in an elliptical pattern."

Fear gripping her heart, she asked, "When is it going to hit me?"

"It already has, Kimberly Anne Possible."

The voice wasn't Wade's. Instantly, the Kimmunicator went to nothing but static, and alarm klaxons echoed throughout the base. Giving up on any stealth, Kim bolted for the center of the base, moving as fast as her legs would carry her.

"You can't escape me, Kimberly. I'm the bad dog, and I have your scent," the mysterious voice taunted over the speakers.

"We'll see about that," Kim said as she rounded a corner, coming face to face with a squad of henchmen. Raising their guns, Kim leapt as they opened fire. The darts from their weapons impaled themselves on the wall harmlessly. Landing in the middle of the group of opponents, Kim gave a massive sweep kick that brought them down. As they staggered up, Kim struck them with a number of punches and kicks. Leaving the softly moaning group behind her, she ran for the core the base.

"Impressive as always, Kimberly, but I'm afraid it won't be enough," the voice again said.

"You talk way too much," Kim said as her fist connected with another Henchman as she came around a corner.

"How far do you think you'll get?"

"All the way in."

"Aren't I supposed to say that?"

Kim's jaw dropped, and she mentally kicked herself for her slip up. _I can't believe he said that,_ she thought.

"You're disgusting!"

"Flattery will get you everywhere, Kimmie."

"You pig!" Kim yelled as she entered a large antechamber filled with at least a dozen Henchmen. As she sprung to the attack, she said, "Ron would never talk to me like that."

The goons were standard-issue Hench Co. Very strong and physically fit, though they were lacking in the fighting department. Still, they proved an effective stall tactic.

"Oh, but you wish your precious Ron did, don't you? You wish 'your Ron' would talk about you as a woman, instead of as an untouchable idol on a pedestal."

Kim tried to ignore the voice as she fought the numerous goons.

"What's wrong, Kimberly Anne? Did I strike a nerve?"

Another punch broke a Henchman's nose, and a kick to the shin brought another down.

"Oh, come now, I was enjoying our little chat."

_Concentrate, Kim, concentrate, _she thought as she round-housed another goon.

"Kim, I can see down your shirt!"

"Ron!" Kim shouted as her hands leapt to hide her decency. By the time Kim realized the mistake, it was too late. One goon managed to land a blow while her guard was down. It was rather light, but it was the odd pricking sensation she felt that drew her attention. Shooting a glance at the Henchman who struck her, she saw a small ring on his finger with a needle sticking out of it.

"You drugged me, you fu…." She started as she collapsed to the floor.

"There is no possible way that should have worked," The voice said. "Bring her here, and don't mess her up more than you have to."

* * *

Kim woke slowly, aware that someone was leaving her side. She started to rise and realized she couldn't. A large number of thick straps held her pinned to a bed. Her head wasn't held down, and the bed was on an angle, so she could see everything in the room.

The chamber was massive. Large pieces of machinery covered the numerous worktables. A number of computer monitors surrounded the edges of the room. Her captor could be seen rummaging through a cabinet. She looked down and saw her outfit had changed. Rather than her traditional mission clothes, she was dressed in a rather revealing, skin-tight jumpsuit. It was mostly pure white, but also decked out in brilliant red and emerald green flames. The KP logo decorated the front of the outfit.

_He changed my clothes_ She thought, angry at the thought of him touching her.

Her captor turned and, seeing the anger on her face, laughed maniacally.

"Oh, come on, I would have thought you'd have been pleased to have Ron touch you for once."

"You don't know what I want!" She retorted, anger clouding her voice.

Laughing once again, her captor said, "I think I know what you want, Kimberly Anne. And trust me, no one knows you better than me."

Kim opened her mouth to say something, but couldn't find the words. Another laugh came from her captor.

"You know I'm right."

"Just shove it, Zorpox!"

"So rude! And after all the trouble I went to in order to get you here."

"What trouble?" Kim scoffed, "Wade detected an unusually high power draw for this area. You were easy to track."

"Kim, Kim, Kim. Do you honestly think I would be that stupid? This place has its own generators. I made the device that drew in the amount of power I thought would be necessary to bring you here."

Kim started to shift uncomfortably in her bed.

"I also made sure the security was as good as it could possibly be, whilst remaining non-lethal, again to keep you totally unawares. I could have blocked out the Kimmunicator from the start, but I didn't, so Wade could sneak you past my defenses with some difficulty."

Walking towards her, Zorpox continued, "I suppose I could tell you every little detail, but that gets a bit boring after awhile, so let's leave it at 'I'm smarter then I look.'"

Kim was nervous at this point. _If what he's saying is true, then he played both Wade and me from the start,_ she thought, hoping her fear and sudden lack of confidence didn't show on her face.

Zorpox's face seemed to soften somewhat.

"Kim, don't look so disheartened. You always called me your 'Potential Boy'. Besides, I was your sidekick since you were eleven and your best friend since Pre-K. Who, besides your parents, would know more about you? And certainly, who would know more about the way 'Team Possible' functions? The correct answer is me.

"Losing to me is nothing to be ashamed of," he said as he turned to a workbench and began to work on a piece of technology.

"I haven't lost yet, Zorpox," Kim said, her voice wavering slightly.

"Kim," Zorpox said, his voice heavy with sympathy (_Is it sincere, or not?_), "I took everything from you. Every gadget you carried with you, I removed. Every article of clothing, I replaced. You look great in the new outfit, by the way."

A slight blush crossed Kim's face.

"We're in an entirely new lair, in perfect isolation. Face it, you're done."

Kim certainly didn't want to believe that. _Zorpox or not, there is no way Ron would hurt me,_ she thought. She renewed her struggles against her bonds, but to no avail.

"What do you plan to do with me?" Kim asked, giving up her futile struggle.

"I love you, Kim," Zorpox said, turning back to her. Kim's eyes opened wide in surprise. The thought that Zorpox loved her, and did not merely lust after her, seemed impossible.

"Despite what you thought, I am not merely some other person buried inside Ron… I am Ron. Just with a different personality. You ever see the second season of 'Ah! My Goddess'? Of course not, Kim Possible doesn't watch anime. But I digress. Naturally, I can't expect you to love a villain. That's one more thing that you wouldn't do."

Zorpox picked up something from the desk where he had been working. In his hand was a large syringe, filled with a strange red liquid.

"What is that for?!" Kim asked, not even trying to conceal the fear in her voice.

"I perfected the technique that Jack Hench developed. This chemical does what the attitudinator does, only permanently."

"You can't make me evil! It's not right," Kim said, more worried now, due to the conflicting emotions running through her mind. The thought of Ron never coming back pained her very deeply. Part of her wanted to fight, but another part wanted Ron, no matter what he was.

Cleaning the needle and a patch of Kim's skin, Zorpox slid the needle in, and slowly began to inject the substance into her.

"Kimberly Anne, when have I ever been concerned with what is right? I take what I want, and what I want more than anything is you. I can't have you since I'm evil and you're good, and I can't even entertain becoming good as an option, so…"

He removed the now empty syringe from her arm. Kim immediately felt different. Her desires ran her, and her moral compass was completely shot. She knew what she wanted… whether he wanted it or not.

"Release me," she said, her skin taking a very mild blue hue.

Zorpox did as she said, and the moment the belts unbuckled, she punched him in the face.

Feeling his jaw, he asked, "OWWW! God, what was that for!?"

"For making me evil," she said, knocking him to the floor.

Angrily, he asked, "And that one?"

"For tying me down."

Kim then did something that Zorpox had not been expecting. Leaping at him, she wrapped her arms around his neck, and buried his lips in hers. Her tongue snaked through his mouth, and her hands grabbed his ass. Zorpox, not hesitating at all, began to feel her up. Moaning softly, she pulled back, her hair in his face, her eyes that same startling green, only now with a mischievous look in them.

"All you had to do was ask."

Getting off Zorpox, she let him rise and again buried his lips in hers. Grabbing her derriere, he picked her off the floor and carried her out of the chamber to an adjoining bedroom. Lowering her to the bed, she promptly ripped off his outfit. Rubbing her hands across his chest, he opened up the front of her shirt, revealing the reward inside.

"You said that you take what you want."

"Yeah."

"It's yours."

Zorpox needed no encouragement, quickly removing the rest of their outfits. He felt no small boost of pride as Kim gasped at his person. Wasting no time, he set to it as she began to groan.

* * *

Monique shook her friend's shoulder hard, trying to get her to wake up.

"No, dream too good to end," Kim groaned, trying to sink back into her mind.

"Girl, wake up and save what rep you have left!"

"Okay, okay, I'm up," Kim said, lifting her face from her desk. Rubbing her neck, she let out a yawn.

"I have got to cut back on these late night missions. They're really beginning to cut into my sleep."

"Are you sure that's the only thing cutting into your sleep?" Monique asked, arching an eyebrow at her friend.

"What do you mean, Mon?" Kim asked, genuinely confused.

"Oh, come on, K," a very disgusted Bonnie said. She then opened her mouth and did a perfect imitation of Kim: "Oh, yes, Ron, yes, deeper…"

Kim's jaw dropped like a brick, her face instantly turning as red as her hair. Burying her eyes in her hands, she wished she could see what the other side of black hole was like. She began mumbling to herself, "Oh, God, please tell me I didn't."

"You did," Monique said, trying unsuccessfully to hide the grin on her face.

"How many people heard?" Kim asked.

"Just be thankful this is a small class," Monique said, "and that the teacher is currently out of the class."

"Oh, my God. How long was I…?"

"About ten minutes."

"Oh, my God."

Tara, who was also in the class, turned to Kim and said, "You know, you should consider writing some of those steamy romance novels. You seem to have a knack for it."

If it was possible, Kim turned even redder.

"No, I mean it. I've been doing it under a nom de plume for a while now…" Ten sets of eyes turned to look at Tara. "What?"

"Okay, one thing at a time," Monique said, curious but more interested in torturing her friend. "So, Kim, spill."

With her head buried in her hands, Kim shook her head.

"Look, Kim, if you and Ron have had sex (Bonnie openly gagged at the thought, and Tara smacked her arm), we're not going to think less of either of you."

"I will, just so we're clear." Bonnie said, unconcerned.

Kim still didn't move her face from its place firmly in her hands.

An evil little smirk on her face, Monique said, "Besides, it sounds like Ron's great in the sack…"

"Ron and I have never had sex!" Kim exploded.

Realizing just what she said, Kim rushed out of the classroom. Monique got out of her desk and took after her.

"Kim, wait!"

* * *

Halfway between her house and the school, Monique finally caught up to Kim.

"Okay, I'm sorry for embarrassing you like that."

"Mon, it's not your fault."

The two walked in silence for awhile. Kim eventually forced herself to ask a question she had been dreading: "What did I say?"

Monique thought for a moment, than said, "Before or after the moaning started?"

"Before."

"Something along the lines of 'untouchable idol', and 'Ron would never.'"

Kim turned slowly towards her friend. She looked up at Monique's face. Monique could see the fear in Kim's eyes.

"Mon, can I ask you something?"

"You know you can ask me anything."

"Promise not to tell anyone."

"Of course."

"Even Ron?"

"Even Ron."

"Do…" Kim's eyes shot towards a crack in the concrete. "Do you think… you know…. that… uh, that… Ron finds me… um… desirable?"

Monique couldn't help it. She broke down into peals of laughter. Soon, tears were coming from her eyes, and her sides hurt, but still, she laughed. Kim turned to walk away, but Monique grabbed her arm.

"I'm sorry, Kim, but how could you possibly even think that Ron doesn't find you desirable?"

"Well," she said, looking off into the distance, "he never… um…"

"Okay, if you can't manage to even speak about it…"

"He never seems to get turned on by me, okay?!" Kim shouted far more loudly than she would have liked. Ducking her head, and glancing left and right, Kim slowly stood back to her full height.

"It's just… Ron treats me like an angel. I mean, I've never had anyone seem so concerned with me in everyway. He's always bringing me flowers, and taking me out to dinner. And, well…" Kim had to think about her next statement for awhile. "Untouchable idol. It's a pretty good description. I want him to touch me. I want him to do all the things 'Ron never does'. Mon…

"I want my bad boy!"


	2. Enter the players

Well, ladies and gentlemen, here it is. Chapter 2 of Sweet Dreams, Take 2. When we last left our heroine, she had an itch she needed scratched (and to those of you that are too young to understand this, ask your elders). Where will this take her?

You'll see.

First off, I'd like to thank all those who reviewed the previous chapter. And so, thanks goes out to bigherb81 (trust me, I'll finish it), spectre666 (one of my favourite authors, and if you look closely, you can see where you influenced the tale), Mr. Wizard (you know, Kim still has that outfit…), The Real Sidekick (I already knew I was a genius, but I love hearing others admit it yes, I am that arrogant), CajunBear73 (Don't worry, several characters will be beating their heads in before this is over), dantecell (keep on chuckling), Pharaoh Rutin Tutin (Creative writing class), and Meca Vegeta (sweet).

And to those of you who are, as of yet, utterly nameless, thank you for viewing my little tale. I can only hope I made your day just a little bit brighter.

As always, I'd like to extend my thanks to daywalkr82 for being my beta reader. As his reward, he may choose either the Aspen Power Wand of New Forest or the now-sentient life form that's currently growing in my fridge. Please choose the second one, it keeps drinking all my milk, and then I got to eat dry cereal in the morning.

Also, due to circumstances which are entirely my fault, I'm raising the rating from T to M. By the end of this chapter, you can probably guess why.

And of course, the good ole fashioned disclaimer: Do I own Kim Possible? Well, let's see. I'm eating leftover pizza for supper again, I have only a basic cable package, and although I like my truck, it's a piece of crap. Since I'm clearly not rich, I don't own it, so leave me alone.

* * *

Monique looked at Kim for a moment, and then asked, "You want Ron to be Zorpox?"

Kim, slightly redder, said, "No, it's just… Zorpox would have no problem being…"

"Bad," Monique said, giggling like a maniac.

Kim let out a heavy sigh and turned to the horizon. "Monique," she started, "I'm sorry if you're uncomfortable with this."

"Girl, I have five brothers. Trust me, nothing makes me uncomfortable anymore."

"Well, I just thought… you know…"

"That you could avoid the subject entirely?"

Kim grimaced, "There are times it's hard being your friend."

"Look, Kim, I'm always there for you. You know that. You just need to be comfortable enough to tell me all the details."

Kim nodded, and turned to Monique.

"Well, since we kind of ditched last period, want to go get a coffee and talk about this?"

Kim shook her head and said, "No, I'm just going to go home and get some sleep."

"Alright, I'll talk to you later."

With that last word, the two friends parted ways. Kim was still as confused and conflicted as she was before.

* * *

The night had been just magical. Ron, dressed in his leather jacket, had prepared her favourite meal: hotdogs with marshmallows melted on them. They had danced to the slow song that had been playing when they first kissed. This night couldn't get any better…

Kim looked down, and realized that she wasn't wearing anything. _Where did my dress go?_ She thought. In fact, she couldn't even remember what she was wearing. Suddenly, Ron was in front of her, and it didn't matter. His jacket and shirt were gone, giving her an ample view of his chest. Perhaps he wasn't muscle-bound, but he was still firm and smooth. She ran her hands over his chest and giggled as she felt his hands in the small of her back. Taking them in hers, she moved them south by about six inches, and wrapping her arms around his head, buried her lips in his for an intense, soul-searing kiss.

"Ron, please," she huffed, wanting him more than she could have imagined. He complied eagerly, his pants already gone. She pushed him down on the bed that was in his kitchen. Without hesitation, she laid on top of him, feeling every inch of his frame with hers. She began to moan as she slid…

* * *

"Kim, wake up!"

Kim opened her eyes, and looked around. Gone was the oddly arranged house, the food, her Ron and his…

Kim looked down and saw her hands were in rather… inappropriate places. Withdrawing them, she felt her face. The heat coming off it was incredible. _Why does everyone wake me up before the good parts? _She thought.

"Kim," her mother called again, "could you come down here?"

"Sure, Mom." _I'm just going to take a cold shower first._

After a fast shampoo and rinse, Kim came downstairs. She found Anne Possible sitting in the dining room, reading a novelette. Sitting on the table were two cups of tea.

Kim froze. _Oh God, please don't let it be…_

"Mother-daughter talk," Anne said, bluntly answering her daughter's unasked question.

_Damn, damn, damn, damn, damn._

Anne looked up from her book and said, "Kim, we're not going anywhere until we've had this talk."

_Please call, Wade, if there is any mercy in the universe, please call,_ she thought as she sat down.

Taking a sip of her tea, Anne started, "Kim, how well do you remember your dreams?"

Kim was slightly perplexed by the question. "A little bit. Why?"

"I came in the house and decided to check on some odd noises coming from the attic."

_Oh__, God._

"Kim," Anne said, "Have you and Ron had sex?"

_Smite me__, smite me now!_

"No, Mom, Ron and I haven't had sex yet," Kim said, her face again a shade of deep red.

_Why has m__y sex life has become the center of everyone's world all of a sudden?_ She thought to herself.

"Well, it certainly sounds like one of you is ready for it."

"Mom!" Kim shouted, grossed out beyond words.

"What? Am I wrong?"

"Well… it's just… and… NO!" Kim said, wishing the tea was Irish or that she had a bar of brain soap lying around.

"Kim," Anne continued, "I was your age once. I remember the draw of sex."

"Mom, we've had the talk."

"This isn't the talk, Kimmie. At least not as you know it. There's a lot more to sex than just the raw mechanics. It's also a commitment, and it comes with its own set of risks. If the sounds from your room were any indication (_Why won't I just die? _Kim thought) you expect it to be the greatest thing ever. In truth, the first time is going to be awkward, and chances are you'll get nothing from it."

_I sincerely doubt that myself,_ Kim thought, hoping her mother wasn't psychic. Kim remembered the time she and Ron switched minds. She was getting changed for a gym class and happened to glance down. She nearly passed out from what she saw. She had never told Ron, but for about a month after the event, she sometimes caught herself thinking about it. At the time, she pushed such memories aside. Ron was her best friend, and it was too awk-weird to think of him like that. Now, though, that image had seared itself into her mind, and she didn't fight it.

Kim started to imagine it again. What would it be like to feel it, to take it in her hand and slowly slide it up her…

"Kim, are you even listening?"

Snapping out of her daydreams, Kim looked up at her mother. "I'm sorry, I missed that."

"So I noticed," Anne said, a small smirk on her face. "Remembering certain bits of anatomy?"

Seeing the shocked look on Kim's face, Anne explained, "It doesn't matter whose body you're in, you're pretty vocal."

_So this is what an aneurism feels like._

"If you and Ron wind up having sex, I'm not going to try to stop you. My father did, and I lost my virginity when I was…"

"TMI, Mom! Way, way TMI!"

"I was going to say, younger than you."

_God, let there be whisky in this,_ Kim thought as she downed half of her tea in one swallow.

"Kim, I just want you to be careful. I wasn't, and I had a pregnancy scare."

Kim looked up at her mother. She had never heard this story before.

"It was just after my first time. We hadn't taken any precautions. Then, I was late and getting sick all the time, and before I knew it, my world was crashing down around my head. My father wouldn't speak to me. My mom was just trying to keep it quiet. And my boyfriend, he dropped me like a sack of potatoes." Kim could see the tears in her mother's eyes. "I was all alone, except for my brother, your Uncle Charlie. He promised that, no matter what, he'd be there for me."

Kim had to know: "What happened?"

"It was just a scare. Turns out I had a stomach virus. It wasn't the same again, though. It was a long time before my parents would talk to me. My ex-boyfriend actually tried to get back together with me. Apparently, he liked the ride, but didn't want to take any responsibilities."

"What did you do?"

"I punched his teeth out," Anne said, giggling as she drew a string that was around her neck. On the end of the string was what could only be one of the offending ex's incisors. "I kept this, to remind myself not to be so stupid again. The last reason anyone should have sex is for spite. If you do it, do it because you love the person, and take all precautions. I don't want you to have to go through what I did, Kimmie."

Kim got up and hugged her Mom. Anne said, "And even if the worst should happen, I'll be there for you, Kim."

Releasing her grip, Kim looked in her mother's eyes. She thought she knew the answer, but she asked anyway. "Who was your second time?"

"Your father."

_How did I know…_

* * *

Kim's conversation with her mother had left her feeling conflicted. She was certain she wasn't going to have sex with Ron just to spite her dad. However, she didn't want to have to go through what her mother did. She would have to take precautions for when she and Ron did it.

She needed someone to talk to, and there was only one person she knew who was comfortable enough with awkward conversations.

"Hey, Monique," Kim said as she took her seat in the coffee shop.

"Hey, Kim. So, what did you want to talk about?" Monique asked, although the smirk on her face told Kim she already knew.

"Well, it's about me…"

"And?"

"And Ron…"

"Yes?"

"Riding each other like rented mules."

Monique did a full spit take. Fortunately for Kim, she herself was already under the table. After swapping out her seat, she sat back down.

"Okay, I can easily say I've never heard sex described like that before," Monique said as she thumped one hand on her aching chest.

"See, I told you I could make you uncomfortable," Kim said, now wearing the insufferable smirk.

"Well, I'm glad you decided to come out and say it. Where do you want to start?"

"Well, first off, I think we… you know, Ron and I… have to take certain… precautions."

"Kim, this is the boy who once stuck a knife in a toaster to dislodge the bread."

"He was very tired."

"It was two in the afternoon."

"Yes, but he didn't get to bed until…" Kim stopped talking, and turned beet red in the face.

Monique's wicked smirk returned yet again. "How is it possible that you two haven't done it yet?"

"Well… he's never… you know… gone for it."

"Did it never occur to you that you might 'go for it'?" Monique asked, her tone along the lines of 'I should be allowed to smack stupid people.'

"I can't do that!"

"Why not?"

"Well, he's… and I'm…"

"No. No way. You mean to tell me that THE Kim Possible, the most take-charge girl I've ever known, a modern woman of the modern world, hasn't gone for something because Ron's the guy and you're the woman?"

"It's not like that! It's just… I'm always in charge. I lead on missions, Ron mostly follows me around when we're socializing, and… just this time… I want him to be the one to… initiate it. I don't know why, but the thought of him being take-charge makes me…" Kim blushed again.

"A little hot under the collar?" Monique said as Kim turned an even deeper shade of red.

"Okay, at least it makes a little bit of sense now. Some people get turned on by the opposite of their normal reality. In your case, Ron taking charge, and you following his lead."

"You're using your psychology course on me, aren't you?" Kim asked the smirking teen.

"Nope. Dominatrix logic."

This time it was Kim's turn to spatter her coffee over the table. "What!?"

"Five brothers, Kim. Five older brothers."

"Okay, that was more than a little TMI."

"Anyway, we seem to have gone more than a little off track here. What precautions are you talking about, cause that boy has been carrying a condom in his wallet since they gave it to him in 8th grade Health class."

Kim looked deep into the recesses of her mug and answered, "Birth control pills."

"Ah. Shouldn't you be talking to your mother about this one?"

"Monique, I'm having trouble talking to you about this, and you think I can just walk up to my mother and say 'Gee, Mom, I'm looking to bang my boyfriend. You think you could pick me up some birth control pills?'"

"Alright, point taken. Why don't you just buy them yourself?"

"Because everyone in Middleton knows who I am. If I bought them, word would get back to my parents before I could blink. And it seems every time I do something an article appears in some tabloid. Trust me, this is not something I want to hear about from anyone, especially Bonnie."

"Something tells me that the phrase 'up shit creek' would apply at that point."

"Exactly."

"Well, I'd suggest buying them at a nearby town, but pretty much everyone in the world knows you."

Kim looked up, "But they don't know you…"

"Are you crazy?! I'm someone to talk to, not the bloody dealer!"

"But, Monique…" Kim's eyes began to grow glassy, and her lower lip began to stick out.

"Girl, if you PDP, I swear I'll throw this coffee in your face."

"Well, what am I supposed to do?"

"The phrase 'disguise' comes to mind."

Kim stirred her coffee slowly. "You know, this is taking a lot more effort than I thought it would."

"That's because you're not doing things the stupid way. So, now that item #1 has been taken care of, what's next on the agenda?"

"Well, now I need him to… you know…"

"Oh, Lord. Initiate it?"

Kim nodded, and Monique just rolled her eyes. Monique sat quietly for a couple of minutes before she became aware that Kim was looking at her with pleading eyes.

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Well, you know that Ron can be a little slow on the uptake."

"That's an understatement."

"Which is why he might need a little… nudge in the right direction."

"So, I've gone from being your dealer to your pimp?" Monique said, setting down her mug. "Kim, No. Not going to happen. I'm someone to talk to. Trust me, I can be comfortable with almost anything, but I'm not going to help my two best friends get laid. That's too much for anyone."

Kim looked at a spot on the floor. "Are you sure?"

"I'm sure."

"You're not even curious?"

"Hell no."

Kim's lower lip began to quiver.

"Coffee. In. Face."

"Alright, fine." Kim looked more than a little upset.

The two friends sat in silence for a minute before Monique stood up. "Look, we can talk some more about this later. Right now, I got to go to work."

"Alright, I'll see you later, Mo."

* * *

The truth of the matter was Monique didn't actually have to work. She just needed someone to talk to. Unfortunately for her, she was going to have to talk to at least one of the grossest, nastiest human beings on this planet, and that was making the assumption that they actually were human.

She needed to talk to her brothers.

Monique walked up the steps to her house. Stopping to pet her cat, she stepped through the door. Although most of her brothers had moved out as they'd grown older, two of them still lived at home while they were going to school. She only hoped Steve was at home.

God, she hoped Steve was at home.

"Steve!" she yelled as she entered the den. "Mom, Dad, anyone!"

"Sorry, sis, the only person here is me," her brother Chris said. Standing about six feet tall, he was a skinny man. His hair was kept quite short, and when he smiled, a slight gap could be seen between his front teeth. His wire-frame glasses rimmed his face, and a perpetual twinkle could be seen in his eyes.

He was also the last person she wanted to talk to about Kim's problem, but there was no one else.

"Hey, Chris, can I talk to you about something?"

"For the last time, I don't know how those pictures got on the internet!"

"No, not that. Although we will be coming back to that later. This is about a friend of mine. She's having… difficulties."

"Okay then, take a seat and tell me about her problem," Chris said, clearing a spot on the couch for her. Monique sat down and grabbed one of the chips from his snack plate. She started to gag slightly.

"How can you eat it this spicy?!"

"Like this," he said, taking a bite of a chip without as much as a grimace. "So, you were saying about your friend?"

"Well, she's feeling rather horny, but she wants her boyfriend to initiate the whole thing. Unfortunately, he's as thick as a block of wood and a perfect gentleman, so unless she starts stripping in front of him, I can't see the genius ever noticing."

"Wait, there's such a thing as a perfect gentleman?"

"Funny, Chris. Real hysterical. Anyway, she knows just how clueless her BF can be, so she actually wants me to give him a nudge 'in the right direction'."

"So, what's the problem?"

"I'm not you; that's the problem. You would find this funny, whereas I find this GBW."

"What?" Even her family had difficulty understanding Monique-speak at times.

"Gross Beyond Words." Monique rolled her eyes at her brother. "Look, I'm not going to do it, okay. That's just way too weird."

"I still fail to see the problem."

"Yeah, but you're the guy who runs a porn site."

"It's not a porn site. It's a pictorial site I run for a modest fee. You know as well as I do there's no intercourse shown."

"Lots of nudity and S&M as I remember it."

"I didn't think you were going to be home so soon."

"You were taking the photos in my room! You're just lucky there's no intercourse involved in your work."

"Lucky? As I recall, it cost me five grand not to have you tell Mom and Dad about that."

"Yeah, like your wallet noticed."

"True enough. Anyway, back to Kim's problem…"

"How did you know it was Kim?!" Monique had thought she'd avoided mentioning Kim's name. The last thing she wanted was this to appear across the globe.

"I didn't. You forget, I'm a gambler. Your best friend is Kim, and you suddenly come in here talking about a friend who's ready to hump the furniture…"

"You always did have such a way with words, Chris."

"…So I took a chance guess and got you to tell me exactly what I wanted to know." Chris sat back, wiping the last of the habanera juice from his chin. Monique may not have known it, but the same smirk that her brother was wearing was identical to the one she had been wearing earlier. Indeed, if Monique had any idea about how similar she and Chris were, she just might cry.

"This info had better not get out, 'cause if it does, I swear, you are going to be castrated." Chris unconsciously rubbed an old scar just behind his left ear. That scar was the end result of Monique swearing she would hurt him if he did something, and she did when he did that something.

"Don't worry, I'm as silent as the grave," Chris assured her. He quietly thought for a moment, opening a can of iced tea and sipping quietly. "I hate to disappoint, sis, but I can't see a way out of this sitch that doesn't involve smacking the idiot until he realizes his girlfriend is practically dry humping his leg."

_Bl__unt and gross as always, Chris_, Monique thought before asking, "Are you sure there's not another way around this?"

"I'm sorry, but I can't see it. If Kim's as bad as you've implied, she's probably been dropping him some not-so-subtle hints. And if this boy is still thick enough that he can't see it, I don't know what else, save for direct confrontation, will open his eyes."

Monique turned her eyes towards the ceiling, "God, you have a messed up sense of humour."

"I know I do," Chris said, earning himself a glare and a smack from Monique.

Monique stood up. She was afraid that this might be the case, but she wouldn't, and couldn't, do it. It was just so weird.

"Thanks for the help, Chris," Monique said, the sarcasm barely evident in her voice.

"Hey, no problem. The way I figure it, I just helped the world famous Kim Possible get laid. I figure that means she owes me," he said with a nasty grin on his face.

"Why is it just when I think you're a good person, you have to go and say something like that?" Monique said, rolling her eyes back in her head. Turning to her brother, she said, "So, when are you going to tell Mom and Dad what you really do?"

The smile immediately disappeared from Chris's face. A look of anxiety passed over him.

"I don't know if I can."

"Come on, they'll understand."

"I take pictures of naked women and sell them to the highest bidder."

"Okay, when you put it like that, it sounds bad. It's like you said though, it's not porn. And you're making good money doing it. Very good money, who am I kidding? Plus, eventually, they'll notice that, for an unemployed man, you have a substantial income. Besides, this hiding in the university library for hours everyday has to be getting old."

"I am running out of songs I like to put on my MP3 player." Chris thought for a long moment before saying, "Do you just like to meddle in other peoples problems, or is that just me."

"A bit of both," Monique said as she walked out the door.

* * *

"So, anyway, I thought I might get her some flowers, but I'm worried that might be too big for a first step, and… are you even listening to me? Ron? Rondo, are you there? RON!"

Ron jumped in his seat at Felix's yell. He had been knocked out a rather pleasant dream…

_Kim was wearing her l__ittle black dress, only this had even less material than the other one. He had cooked her filet mignon for dinner, and she had enjoyed every mouthful. She had been toying with him all evening, stroking his leg under the table, leaning forward, clearly enjoying his reaction each time._

_Then, she got up from her chair. A single red rose was tucked behind her ear, and it matched the colour of her stockings perfectly. She sat down in his lap and slowly kissed his lips as she unzipped his…_

"Mayday, we have a mayday! Man's brain has left the building!"

Ron shot a quick glare over at Felix. "What?" he said, "I thought you were going to la-la land again."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Oh, come on, Ron, every time I try to have a serious conversation with you, you completely zone out, get a goofy grin on your face, and stutter when I ask you what you were thinking about. So, what were you thinking about?"

Ron's eyes went wide. "What! Who said I was thinking about anything?! I thought no thinking! I mean, I think no thoughts! Wait, me normally speakem good talky."

"Smooth as always, Ron." Felix said, taking a sip of his slurpster. "Seriously though, what do you keep thinking about that makes you drift off like that?"

"Oh, nothing important."

"Then why does that make you drift?"

"Because it's the greatest thing ever."

"Doesn't that make it important?"

"Oh, yeah," Ron said, the goofy grin back on his face.

"Thought you said it wasn't important?"

"'Cause it's not, and… aw, man… Oh, hey Bon-Bon."

Felix turned his head towards where Ron was looking, but Bonnie wasn't there. He turned back, only to find that Ron was gone.

"That boy can move like lightning when he has to."

Finishing off his slurpster, Felix decided to head home. Rolling down the street, he began to think of all that was going on.

_Man, Ron has been acting strange lately. Well, stranger. What could he be possibly thinking of? I know that this started shortly after he started seeing Kim, but it was never this bad before. _

_Nothing important, huh? Right, and I'm in this chair 'cause I'm just lazy. Not buying it, Rondo. There's something else here, but what?_

_Well, there was that dream he unconsciously announced to the class last week. Could that have something to do with it? I mean, that was one intense dream, complete with some very interesting sound effects. _

_Can't believe he made me French. Honestly, what part of my name even remotely comes off as French?_

_Anyway, back to more important things. Hmmm, it makes sense, though. His earlier dreaming, a rather intense dream of him and Kim having sex… could Ron really just be thinking of having sex with Kim? Who am I kidding, he's a guy. Of course he's thinking about…_

Felix never got a chance to finish that thought, as Monique, deep in thought herself, tripped on his chair and flopped over his lap.


End file.
